A Monster Calls Me

I just devoured A Monster Calls. I mean I honestly could not put it down, and sacrificed my precious sleep to finish it. I never sacrifice my sleep. For anything or anyone. Ever.

It all started when I saw a commercial for the upcoming movie adaptation. Something about it spoke to me, although I can’t say exactly what. I instantly went to my Google Play account and downloaded the book. I had no idea what kind of ride I was in for, only that I had to find this book and read it. By the end, I was ugly crying and telling my husband how beautiful and sad and breathtaking it was. Being that I’m 8 months pregnant and hormonal, I will admit  that not everyone will have the same emotional journey that I did… BUT you would need to be made of stone and ice for this story to not affect you at all.

I learned a very valuable lesson from this 200+ page heartbreaker… That it is okay to let her go. By her, I mean my angel baby Georgia. I miss my daughter fiercely every day. Sometimes I long for her so much that I already feel like a bad mom to my baby boy thats due in a just a few short weeks.

Sometimes I wish I could just let her go, and free myself from the pain of losing her. Ultimately that’s the lesson that the Monster teaches the young boy as he struggles with losing his mother. The monster helps the boy deal with his anger and guilt, and teaches him to be honest with himself about it all.

These are areas which I still struggle with. I’m so angry that my daughter never had the chance to live. I’m angry with friends/relatives/coworkers who had living children that same year, as if they stole my joy by having joy of their own. I feel guilty for that anger. I feel guilty for getting pregnant again, and for wanting to love this new child. But I need to be honest with myself too. While I never wanted Georgia to go, I’m now ready to let the pain of losing her go. It’s okay to be angry sometimes. It’s ok to feel guilt. It’s okay to let go.

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